I keep thinking and letting myself be affected by the fact, that I would like to surround myself with many many people who are striving for something similar. I need the inspiration and the energy around me. It is something I think that is very much a trait in our family. And for me, my sister and brother I can see it is such a blessing – and curse at the same time. So it is our job to find the balance. We all obviously choose the road less travelled when it comes to big life decisions. When it’s about things that matter.
But then comes a moment when you hate yourself for it. It always comes. I guess that is normal. Perfection or failure don’t exist, everything is a work in progress. So it’s normal to doubt yourself. I guess it’s about finding the right balance for you. And knowing yourself. Everything comes down to knowing yourself in the end.
I hate myself when I can’t be content with ‘comfortable’. Or easy. Or just ‘ok’. It means crises after crises and soul-searching and trying to find my way. It is bloody hard work. But this is a part of me. It’s not me, but it is a huge part of my personality. I’ve been trying to coming to terms with this.
We are extremely lucky to have the opportunity to travel, see and learn from different cultures, visit dramatic landscapes, glaciers and reefs that may not exist in a few decades time. We are lucky to be able to live literally anywhere, lead a lifestyle we think is best for us, try and choose different career paths, companies, cities, all the people you can meet! I can’t understand people who don’t take advantage. And you know what, it’s not just making decisions and being audacious enough to open and walk through gates – it’s about being curious about the world and everyone in it. Asking questions and knowing the world doesn’t not revolve around you. The humbling realisation of how little you are.
I’ve recently realised that curiosity is the main character trait driving my decisions (true ESFP). I am trying to balance it out as at the same time I crave the belonging to someone, somewhere a stupid amount. This curious, hustling, adventurous, bold side of me vs the one that needs stability, peace, quiet and belonging. And for me I think the true happiness is when I can balance these to well. When I finally become – as the Swedish would say – lagom. When it will be just enough. Not too much, not to little of anything. I’m sure everyone’s got their own internal fights inside, when making decisions. But maybe for other people, it’s not close to 50-50 but one side is for example 20% and the other is 80%. Which makes decisions easier. Just Lagom: The Swedish Art of Balanced Living.